3 posts tagged “stella”
With the lovely gf and two other friends whom I've been attending classes with for the past couple of years. Must say that it was fun to cycle around Pasir Ris Park for a while, and while I was worried that my back would just start acting up again, thank goodness it didnt. It's nice to have friends you can have fun with, and this is coming from someone like me who never felt that it was important to keep long term relationships with people. I think I'm going to have to change my mind.
So now I'm ready to study for the exams.
Are you taking the time off to smell the roses?
That was Feli's title for the mail she sent me some time back. While I've not heard from her in a while, the mail still remained in my inbox and when I took a look at the title this morning, it brought about a couple of thoughts about stuff that has been going on of late.
I had a long talk with Stella last night. I've been feeling tired and drained lately due to school, and I just needed to tell someone. As much as I go to classes and presentations with a strong front, that doesn't mean that I don't feel the stress that everyone else feels. I'm human too, remember.
I figured out that this has mainly got to do with my perception of the competitiveness of the academic system. Especially in modules where you get 74 percentile in your test and you're just average. It's small things like that that get to me. There's something inside of me that doesn't want to just be mediocre. Maybe Hong was right in saying that sometimes people have nothing else to be proud about, so they just hang on to something that they can be proud in, and perhaps that's exactly what I'm feeling right now. I don't feel that any other aspect of my life is particularly great, hence the strong focus in my studies.
I'm losing myself. I've felt it since the start of the semester but I've not looked towards addressing it. The truth of the matter is that I'm doing well in school. In fact I've never done so well throughout the period of my education. 74 for Interactional discourse test, 13/15 for my Semantics and Pragmatics, A- for my Discourse Analysis test, 80 for my Literary Stylistics paper which I just got back. I'm not in danger of doing badly or anything. I'm just aiming too high. Constantly trying to beat myself. Constantly feeling guilty that I can do better but am not. That's why I feel the urgent need to move away from the results and just enjoy school, you know what I mean?
Sheena mentioned to me that she's never seen me so stressed before university, but she'll stand by me whatever path I choose to take in future. After all, as Andy and her mentioned, it's really about the process and not the results. I'm really thankful for friends like that who care. Thanks guys.
Stop to smell the roses.
being able to talk to the person who matters most to you on the phone late into the night.
