8 posts tagged “school”
Well it seems like I haven't been blogging much on this platform. At the end of the day, I went back to the old blogger one. Too much emotional investment, too much to leave behind. Perhaps that's why I've always been reluctant to consider the option of furthering my studies overseas. I'm simply too grounded to Singapore and the people here to move on. Whether for better or for worse I do not know, but it's a choice that I have made, and I'll stick to it.
Been struggling with the prospect that year 4 is going to be a challenging one indeed. Not only with the academic aspect, but also on the front of Munchie Monkey Cafe. Leadership has never been one of my strengths, and choosing to take up the role of Senior Executive is a great leap of faith. One that does not rely solely on passion.
As one of the more poignant stories in The Sandman stated, in dreams sometimes you wake, sometimes you fall. And sometimes you fly.
This is that dream.
I know it for sure when the study mood hits in. It's a fact that my mind wanders a lot, I dream a lot and think about the the future when what's in the present hasn't been settled yet.
Then one day I wake up with a dead sense of calm, and I know that it is time for me to wake up. My mind works faster, and my absorbtion of information increases significantly. I'm not saying I'm some sort of superhero. I'm just impressed at the way my body and mind responds almost on instinct as if it had always a life of its own - just lying dormant until the time draws near. The subconscious, maybe? Whatever it is, there is this underlying sense of thrill as the deadlines draw near, and some part of me wants to rise up to accept this challenge, to push my own boundaries. I'm inherrently competitive against myself. Maybe that's why I hope to continue in academia - it offers me a satisfaction that I don't think I can get anywhere else for now.
Once all this is over, I'm going to take a damn good break.
Spent almost 2 hours wrecking my brains over some philosophy logic question that had relation to Semantics in linguistics, only to find that my answer was wrong right from the start. Oh well. I think I need to spend a lot more time training myself to see such things at a glance. I've always believed that what others can do with pure genius, I can do with doubly hard work. I hope I'm right this time.
The Critical Discourse Analysis exam was quite a bummer. Combined with the disappointment that I recieved from getting back my Semantics test, it didn't really make for a very good day. It's alright though, I shouldn't let all these get me down at a time like this. After all I've already gotten so far, it's just for the final push.
4 more papers to go then.
With the lovely gf and two other friends whom I've been attending classes with for the past couple of years. Must say that it was fun to cycle around Pasir Ris Park for a while, and while I was worried that my back would just start acting up again, thank goodness it didnt. It's nice to have friends you can have fun with, and this is coming from someone like me who never felt that it was important to keep long term relationships with people. I think I'm going to have to change my mind.
So now I'm ready to study for the exams.
to the exams that is. And I'm feeling very relieved that almost all of my deadlines are up.
The holidays are coming!
Are you taking the time off to smell the roses?
That was Feli's title for the mail she sent me some time back. While I've not heard from her in a while, the mail still remained in my inbox and when I took a look at the title this morning, it brought about a couple of thoughts about stuff that has been going on of late.
I had a long talk with Stella last night. I've been feeling tired and drained lately due to school, and I just needed to tell someone. As much as I go to classes and presentations with a strong front, that doesn't mean that I don't feel the stress that everyone else feels. I'm human too, remember.
I figured out that this has mainly got to do with my perception of the competitiveness of the academic system. Especially in modules where you get 74 percentile in your test and you're just average. It's small things like that that get to me. There's something inside of me that doesn't want to just be mediocre. Maybe Hong was right in saying that sometimes people have nothing else to be proud about, so they just hang on to something that they can be proud in, and perhaps that's exactly what I'm feeling right now. I don't feel that any other aspect of my life is particularly great, hence the strong focus in my studies.
I'm losing myself. I've felt it since the start of the semester but I've not looked towards addressing it. The truth of the matter is that I'm doing well in school. In fact I've never done so well throughout the period of my education. 74 for Interactional discourse test, 13/15 for my Semantics and Pragmatics, A- for my Discourse Analysis test, 80 for my Literary Stylistics paper which I just got back. I'm not in danger of doing badly or anything. I'm just aiming too high. Constantly trying to beat myself. Constantly feeling guilty that I can do better but am not. That's why I feel the urgent need to move away from the results and just enjoy school, you know what I mean?
Sheena mentioned to me that she's never seen me so stressed before university, but she'll stand by me whatever path I choose to take in future. After all, as Andy and her mentioned, it's really about the process and not the results. I'm really thankful for friends like that who care. Thanks guys.
Stop to smell the roses.
I just got to push a little harder this week and everything will be over and done with.
