Metaphorical Musings

... Or what is left of it.

Right now, I'm sitting in the school library while waiting for the girlfriend to finish with her research meeting. Realised that I haven't blogged for a damn long while over here and here I am.

Just before this, I was reading GURPS Mysteries, which I happily printed from PDF in the library (saves me so much cost as compared to the paid version.) Yes - Pirate. I know. What really caught my eye was that the writer of the sourcebook actually worked as a criminal defense attorney before she entered into the gaming industry. I mean, how cool is that, to write an RPG book on the sideline based on something that you have passion and the knowledge for? I wish I could do something like that.

Being in Singapore, the big issue has always been the conflict between passion and stablity. It's one of those long standing debates that Andy and I have spent countless hours talking about during our meetups. So I guess it dawned upon me that I should really aim to focus on what I am interested in. The rest will fall into place. I love linguistics, and I intend to dabble in it for a long while, hopefully forever. Who knows - maybe one day I will be writing a book for GURPS - Languages.

Welcome to my geek world.

Well it seems like I haven't been blogging much on this platform. At the end of the day, I went back to the old blogger one. Too much emotional investment, too much to leave behind. Perhaps that's why I've always been reluctant to consider the option of furthering my studies overseas. I'm simply too grounded to Singapore and the people here to move on. Whether for better or for worse I do not know, but it's a choice that I have made, and I'll stick to it.

Been struggling with the prospect that year 4 is going to be a challenging one indeed. Not only with the academic aspect, but also on the front of Munchie Monkey Cafe. Leadership has never been one of my strengths, and choosing to take up the role of Senior Executive is a great leap of faith. One that does not rely solely on passion.

As one of the more poignant stories in The Sandman stated, in dreams sometimes you wake, sometimes you fall. And sometimes you fly.

This is that dream.

It's interesting how in the quest for selflessness in trying to help another person(s), we are indirectly doing it in a self serving way, to satisfy our need to belong. This need to belong may perhaps be argued as a core component in our psyche under Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Looking around us, it is clear that people exhibit a want to identify with a certain group, from the kid who wants to dress cool so that he can go out with his friends, to the simple housewife wanting to 'keep up with the Jones', we cannot deny that group bias is there. Even in nature, animals form up in communities and hunting packs. Seldom do we find pure individualism around us. In this sense, it is about time we started to question whether there is such a thing such as 'true' selflessness in this universe. Why do we do what we do? Is there something else behind all those good deeds that we attempt to do on a everyday basis. Just for the sake of humankind? Really, that's it?

After a wonderful 8 days in Taiwan, I'm back in sunny and humid Singapore. I must say that unlike those who have the wanderlust, I missed this place quite a bit. Was really glad to take the plane back on the last day as touring was starting to take its toll on me. For the record Stella and my brother have fallen ill during the trip, and I'm still holding out....hopefully I don't succumb.

Now that I'm back, I hopefully can finally start enjoying the holidays. Not that I didn't enjoy Taiwan - I did, really, just that touring usually tires me out a lot. Feels a bit like getting drunk and landing yourself in some form of stasis or dreamtime in another place, and upon returning you feel somewhat out of touch with the world. Speaking of which, I plan to meet up with old friends, and people that I've not seen for a damn long time. Sheena - you're on the list! I hope you're reading this. Was hoping to catch you or something on my SIA flight back :P Next up would be gaming - hoping to start Cthulhu Dark Ages since my shipment from Amazon just arrived with my minis and games. Great stuff - i'll continue to purchase from them if I can in future.

Just gotta watch this. Hilarious shit.

I know it for sure when the study mood hits in. It's a fact that my mind wanders a lot, I dream a lot and think about the the future when what's in the present hasn't been settled yet.

Then one day I wake up with a dead sense of calm, and I know that it is time for me to wake up. My mind works faster, and my absorbtion of information increases significantly. I'm not saying I'm some sort of superhero. I'm just impressed at the way my body and mind responds almost on instinct as if it had always a life of its own - just lying dormant until the time draws near. The subconscious, maybe? Whatever it is, there is this underlying sense of thrill as the deadlines draw near, and some part of me wants to rise up to accept this challenge, to push my own boundaries. I'm inherrently competitive against myself. Maybe that's why I hope to continue in academia - it offers me a satisfaction that I don't think I can get anywhere else for now.

Once all this is over, I'm going to take a damn good break.

Of late, I've been increasingly interested in Philosophy. I guess its starting to occur to me that the field of Philosophy forms the basis of almost everything in the Arts and even Sciences. I don't have the time to now, but I'll probably read up more during the holidays. I bought a book on the teachings of Aristotle a couple of years back, but I've yet to read it. It's since migrated to the toilet, where I can flip though a couple of pages as I take some time off my work ;)

Such irony, that Aristotle's teachings belong right where my toilet is. 

My 6 year old mouse died on me recently, with the left mouse button becoming all unresponsive and all. So I went out and got meself a Razor Diamonback, and man, does a good mouse make all the difference. Feels good and looks good. The side buttons look pretty useless to me though, seeing that I would probably have to use the mouse with my fingers to actually reach those buttons. Bad design?

Can't wait for C&C3!!

I think I need to constantly remind myself not to be too result focused in life, in everything that I do. More often than not, I always get drawn into the mindset that just because I spent most of my time working on some shit-assed project or some mind boggling question in the tutorial sheet, it should translate to good grades at the end of the semester. Law of social transaction.

I keep forgetting that there's always the intangible - the pride in doing something that no one else can achieve, the sense of accomplishment, and most importantly, the learning journey. Perhaps that in itself can already satisfy the other end of the effort-result equation. I ought to learn to focus on that more rather than get drawn into the net of the system. While pragmatic and efficient, I personally it turns us into ugly ugly people who begin to lose focus of who we really are. One day we're going to look back and regret, and I don't wanna do that.

I've never really put this down in words before, but I'm quite the workaholic. Indeed, I feel odd and irritable when I have nothing to do. Considering that everyone is grumbling about schoolwork piling on top of their heads, I feel a twisted form of joy that I get to do something useful with my time. I used to say that sleep was a waste of time, and why not, if you have other better things to do? I've gotta put that thought aside for the next couple of days as I'm down with the flu and sleep is all I need for now to get my system up and running again.